12 April 2013

violence; or when it is time to stand up and speak out

in a six day period that ended two weeks ago, five people died and one was injured. This is not a post about gun violence {yes, four of the five were killed by a hand wielding a gun}, but one about another specific type of violence: domestic violence.

One of the victims was a two year old child, killed by his own father. One of the victims was shot as she watched her husband shoot the son they created together. She survives. One of the victims was a wife, having finally gained the courage to file for divorce from her retired state trooper husband two days previous. One of the victims was an 18-year old woman on the cusp of the rest of her life. One man is in jail for allegedly chocking and stabbing his girlfriend repeatedly with a screwdriver, then hiding her body in the woods. Two of the victims were men who turned their violence on themselves, committing suicide after having violated their wives' trust.

This violence was not spread over a swath of the country. This violence was not even spread over an entire state. This violence was confined to three counties here in Western PA, all within a single television station's coverage area and well under two hours drive from my home.

It is axiomatic that a subject does not hit home until it actually hits home. I do not live in a home where domestic violence occurs. I do not directly know of {though statistics suggest that I do} a home where domestic violence occurs. I do, apparently, live in an area where five people die, and one is injured, in a six day period due to domestic violence.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make this right, and I especially don't know how to make this right for the women and men who suffer daily under the torture of domestic violence all over the world. It is heart wrenching. A donation to a shelter or hotline is easy, and it helps.

At least one of the women, and I think both, had a Protection From Abuse order against her husband. A PFA is meant, in Pennsylvania, to keep a person safe from one threatening his or her life. One who violates a PFA is off to jail...unless he or she manages to perpetrate violence and either escape punishment by fleeing or self-harm.

Some PFAs require the subject to turn over all guns to the local sheriff's office, lest he or she use one of them to perpetrate violence against the protected party. The man who killed his wife at her grocery store, place-of-work had such an order against him, yet he still managed to obtain another weapon, which he then turned upon himself.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make this right. I don't think any of us really do, but I think we can all stand up and speak out. Don't jump into a situation where you're liable to make the situation worse, but pay attention. Stand up, be it for yourself or someone else. Speak out, for anyone and everyone who might be affected.

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline {1-800-779-SAFE} or visit their website. Call 911. Talk to your gynecologist, she may well be a source of information on local avenues of help. I know mine is. Stand up, speak out. Be safe. Maybe together we can fix a world where the bonds of trust between partners are rendered completely by those partners all too often.

"Be well. Do good work. Keep in touch." - Garrison Keillor

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