there are many people I love, many who have carved out some part of my cold, cold heart for their own. I do try to make them feel loved most days, to show my appreciation for their positions in my life with a bit of respect, affection, acknowledgement. I tend to fail. That's the sort of thing that happens with my face. It looks cranky, and I'm a quiet girl much of the time.
Today, though, I went grocery shopping to a number of stores, everything from a big box chain to a discount place to the fancy deli with the good cheese. It looked like St. Valentine had been martyred in each and every store. Red, pink, chocolate, flowers, heart-shaped everything, it was everywhere. It just doesn't seem right that love is measured by an amount spent and hoops jumped through.
I'm not an idiot: just like every other holiday, Valentine's Day has been turned into a love-fest and chocolate orgy by advertising campaigns that have helped sell more cards, candy, roses, and jewelery. It's just as we've somehow decided that Christmas is all about the presents. But, and I'm about to go out on something of a limb, it's kind of, sort of, entirely the fault of women. If the first cavewoman hadn't gushed to her girlfriends that Nugg had drug back an entire prehistoric elk, then the girls wouldn't have felt the need to nag the other cavemen into attempting to top each other with bigger and scarier animal kills.
This sort of commercialization taps equally into the traditional gender stereotypes of women who want stuff and men who want to outdo their friends by scoring better in the game of stuff buying. There is no reason for us ladies to demand flowers, jewelery, candy, sentimental cards, a fancy dinner out, *and* the myriad other products offered. Love isn't about grand gestures on one day, it's about the little gestures every day. It is small displays of affection, it's doing the dishes, it's baking cookies, it's listening, it's courtesy, it's in the eyes and the heart, not the credit card statement.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy and celebrate Valentine's Day. I'm baking cookies to give to those important to me. I made a special dessert for my mom when she came over to watch tv. My dad will bring me a couple of red carnations. Yes, V-Day is a holiday and it should be marked. It should be celebrated with a card, or a flower, or a text, or some simple affection that is right for the two people sharing it. The key is that is is a show of affection and love, correct for the two people sharing it. Not over the top, not demanding, not what society tells us it should be. Love is all-encompassing, but it never demands more than we can give, it is understanding and compassionate. Let's celebrate love, not stuff.
If you want to celebrate with a dessert, here is what I made for my mom.
In a pretty glass, layer:
-leftover Strawberry Pie filling
-chocolate pudding (you can make homemade, but a regular 5-minute milk & powder package works great. Simply add an extra tablespoon of cocoa powder if you like dark chocolate).
Gentlemen, I apologize for the extra hoops, demands, and stress brought about by next Tuesday. Ladies, don't forget that it isn't the fancy lingerie your partner is interested in, but what's underneath ;-)
PS no offense intended to any same-sex couples. You have the same hoops and expectations as anyone else, I simply find writing from my own heterosexual point of view a bit easier.
"Be well. Do good work. Keep in touch." - Garrison Keillor
Today, though, I went grocery shopping to a number of stores, everything from a big box chain to a discount place to the fancy deli with the good cheese. It looked like St. Valentine had been martyred in each and every store. Red, pink, chocolate, flowers, heart-shaped everything, it was everywhere. It just doesn't seem right that love is measured by an amount spent and hoops jumped through.
I'm not an idiot: just like every other holiday, Valentine's Day has been turned into a love-fest and chocolate orgy by advertising campaigns that have helped sell more cards, candy, roses, and jewelery. It's just as we've somehow decided that Christmas is all about the presents. But, and I'm about to go out on something of a limb, it's kind of, sort of, entirely the fault of women. If the first cavewoman hadn't gushed to her girlfriends that Nugg had drug back an entire prehistoric elk, then the girls wouldn't have felt the need to nag the other cavemen into attempting to top each other with bigger and scarier animal kills.
This sort of commercialization taps equally into the traditional gender stereotypes of women who want stuff and men who want to outdo their friends by scoring better in the game of stuff buying. There is no reason for us ladies to demand flowers, jewelery, candy, sentimental cards, a fancy dinner out, *and* the myriad other products offered. Love isn't about grand gestures on one day, it's about the little gestures every day. It is small displays of affection, it's doing the dishes, it's baking cookies, it's listening, it's courtesy, it's in the eyes and the heart, not the credit card statement.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy and celebrate Valentine's Day. I'm baking cookies to give to those important to me. I made a special dessert for my mom when she came over to watch tv. My dad will bring me a couple of red carnations. Yes, V-Day is a holiday and it should be marked. It should be celebrated with a card, or a flower, or a text, or some simple affection that is right for the two people sharing it. The key is that is is a show of affection and love, correct for the two people sharing it. Not over the top, not demanding, not what society tells us it should be. Love is all-encompassing, but it never demands more than we can give, it is understanding and compassionate. Let's celebrate love, not stuff.
If you want to celebrate with a dessert, here is what I made for my mom.
In a pretty glass, layer:
-leftover Strawberry Pie filling
-chocolate pudding (you can make homemade, but a regular 5-minute milk & powder package works great. Simply add an extra tablespoon of cocoa powder if you like dark chocolate).
PS no offense intended to any same-sex couples. You have the same hoops and expectations as anyone else, I simply find writing from my own heterosexual point of view a bit easier.
"Be well. Do good work. Keep in touch." - Garrison Keillor
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