the 29 project; or how a birthday is an inspiration for kindness

we could all use to be a bit kinder to each other. There's no suggestion here that we all have the time or wherewithal to be Bill & Melinda Gates or that we occupy the platform George Clooney or Brad Pitt use to their charitable advantage. In far simpler ways, we could all use to be a bit kinder to each other.

Hold a door, help a stranger, take a tiny bit of your day to brighten a friend's day. Not because we are looking for thanks, but just as a moment of kindness. We could take a moment for ourselves. Say "no, I have to do this for me." I'm not talking about weekly expensive facials {though, that certainly isn't the worst idea of me time}, but what I mean is carving out a bit of time to think about strangers and how you impact them. Think about your actions, think of a little way {or a big one} you can be kind to family or friends and to yourself.

I had a lovely birthday party, and a lovely birthday. It's tradition in my family, especially because we never know what will walk into the door from day to day in the store, that on a person's birthday, if nothing else, that family member need not do the dishes or cook unless he or she wishes to do so. On my birthday, I ran off for an espresso & gelato lunch, picked up a movie for us to watch {is there a better birthday than The Great Gatsby & blackberry martinis?}, and bought a couple new pieces of clothing.

That bit of time to myself got me thinking. I turned 29, and while I am valiantly attempting to throw away the societal timeline of what a woman has to do before 30, I do think a bit of self-thought is in order. Hence, The 29 Project. Every day until I turn 30, I will attempt to do a kindness for strangers, something for family or friends, take a moment for myself, and take a single photograph that encompasses something about that day.

It's been a week. I've failed entirely for a single day, and I have not managed to check something off the list everyday. But, this is not about making another to do list. The 29 Project is about reordering one's thinking, taking the time to think about the little things. I'll be posting a short note here each Tuesday, letting you know how I'm faring and to see how you're doing as well.

The 29 Project has also inspired me to increase my correspondence. We don't write letters anymore. We send texts, or post on Facebook walls or tweet each other. Maybe, we write emails. That is not a letter or a card that is physically delivered. It lacks a bit of the thrill received when holding something another person held, reading their handwriting, feeling their love. As a personal part of The 29 Project, each Wednesday I'm writing a note to a friend I do not get to see often. This is not about getting mail back, but about sending a bit of myself out there.

With this in mind, I am encouraging everyone to get involved. I post my daily pictures on Instagram with #The29Project hashtag, and will begin to tweet inspiration {@VMRvictoria} for my little helpfulnesses with the same hashtag on Twitter. I've also begun a Pinterest board with each of the daily photos. There will be 365 images there when I've done, though I hope that I won't need the reminder at the end of this year. Personally, I'm also keeping a notebook with a daily log, just to see what comes from The 29 Project.

Join me, even if you do not talk about it, in a reorganization of thinking. If you'd like to join my correspondence, send me your address {vmrvictoria@yahoo.com}. If you want to join The 29 Project, tweet or Instagram with the hashtag, or simply take a bit of time for others and for yourself. Less than five minutes is enough.

"Be well. Do good work. Keep in touch." - Garrison Keillor

birthdays are normal days, too

today, I turn 29. I threw myself a party on Saturday, and myriad members of my family and assorted friends came.

Part of me really wants to write the Vogue article, using vivid adverbs and mentioning the hand-detailed dress I wore, the hand-made floral crowns for each guest, how the birthday girl and her best friend recreated days from years ago with Chanel makeup and giggles in the bathroom while rushing about and cooking and toasting bread.

Instead, I leave you with some hazy Instagram shots from the glowy evening and head off to bake myself a birthday cheesecake. Hopefully everyone enjoyed themselves as much as I did, as it was a delightful gathering to mark the beginning of the end of a decade.

A Midsummer Night's Dream: or a final hello to my twenties

this August 27, I turn twenty-nine. Frankly, this number is far less stressful than twenty-five was, even if it is the start of my final year as a twentysomething. I've greatly enjoyed my twenties, and I'm looking forward to my thirties.

Perhaps it is a growing maturity, but all the things on my mental checklist that freaked me out by their lack of completion by twenty-five aren't such a bother with thirty looming. Thirty doesn't even seem to be that great at looming. It is just there, the next milestone, something else to celebrate on the road of life.

Even though I'm approaching thirty with a friendly wave and a cheery "hello," I'd still like to mark the final year I get to be in my twenties with a bang. As such, there's to be a party.

I've invited as many people as I can {which is still a fairly small number} and have planned a fancy dress party. If Jay Gastby threw a "Midsummer Night's Dream" themed party in my backyard, this would be it.

Planning and prepping for this boho bacchanalia reminded me that while I often blog here about my menus and post photographs from this or that bash, I've never really explained how I go about dreaming and planning a party.

cuddles; or how pillow forts are for grown-ups, too

even though spring is finally, well, springing, my little home is quite chilly. It has to do with being a concrete block basement without insulation, and it has to do with only three days in a row over 60 degrees so far. On these chilly nights, as do most people, I tend to spend a bit too much time online. There are a number of sites I check daily {Persephone Magazine, cupcakes and cashmere, Fuck Yeah, Boston Terriers!, Smitten Kitchen, Bourbon and Pearls, and Tea & Cookies}, alongside the ubiquitous Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, but one site in particular allows me to waste time like no other.

xkcd. I keep hitting random again and again and again. You hit random, then again, then suddenly two hours have passed. Usually the comics are funny, even for me who is a nerd but not really of the computer/advanced math & science variety.

...

...

oh, damn. Sorry. I just spent 36 minutes hitting random. Where was I? Yes: time wasting on chilly nights. While hitting random ages ago {actual ages and not faux internet ones} I came across a particular comic that hits home for so many of us between 21 and 35, or even 45. Somehow, a generation or two has become confused about how exactly they became grown-ups. The traditional markers of those who have graduated high school or college, have gotten a job with health benefits and a pension, gotten married, had a couple of kids, bought a house, etc. have changed.

We're taking longer to complete schooling. Jobs are often scarce, and ones with pensions nonexistent. Marriage remains unattainable for a large percentage of the population, and those of us for whom marriage is a legal option are putting it off for longer. Houses are available, but only if someone is willing to add to their mountain of student loan debt. More and more people see starting a company as a way to make a living, even if for many of them it means moving back in with parents or keeping roommates well beyond college. The definition of being a grown-up has changed, expanded, come to mean that being a grown-up merely means being allowed to make one's own choices.

"grownups" at xkcd.com

It means that we're allowed to turn an entire apartment into a ball pit. or go paint-balling on a Sunday afternoon. or make our own pillow forts on a chilly night. I'm not saying that we get to shirk whatever responsibilities we have chosen for ourselves, but, damn, if a pillow fort doesn't make those responsibilities easier to bare and complete.

I've set a deadline for my Westylvania project novel: a rough draft of about fifty Word document pages to hand over to the Book Club Ladies at our next Book Club {The Hound of the Baskervilles} on May 4. Pepper and a comfortable fort of pillows and couch cushions make research and forcing words out of my mind rather a lot easier.

Pepper does his best to get me started.

While one isn't required to gather matching implements {I suggest not: half the fun is the haphazard mess of your extra duvet, every throw pillow in the house, plus the guest bedroom bed pillows} do attempt to make them coherent. Your surprise guest is going to ask to play in your pillow fort. That sort of playing is way more fun the grown-up way.

"Be well. Do good work. Keep in touch." - Garrison Keillor

kindness; or how the little things make a better day

as I picked up a coffee the other day, the college student making my latte complimented my blazer. It had been a rough day, but with that little boost my day instantly became better. That incident got me thinking about how often I see someone wearing something or doing something that I want to complement, but since I don't know him or her, I simply keep my mouth shut.

Similarly, we make a valiant attempt to compliment parents who have incredibly well-behaved children. We see so many that are poorly parented and who behave inappropriately that we try to say something to those who are appropriate. Sometimes we don't say something because those who visit our store are strangers.

I'm also single. While I'm not actively looking for a partner, I am also nearly twenty-nine and do not wish to turn one away. When a person is no longer in school and has been at the same job for a period of time, meeting new people and making new friends becomes a bit more difficult. You {or at least I} tend to feel awkward attempting to make conversation without it seeming desperate or turning into a pick up.

As I've been spending time pondering the good deeds and excellent style {also, ahem, attractive men} that float by, I thought a little card might just do the trick. I've seen the business cards that say something to the effect of "you're hot, call me" as ice breakers, but they don't seem to me to be more than a lame attempt to be cool while trying for sex. Instead, I threw together the following sentiment.

& I happen to think you... seems to be the best way to thank someone or compliment them for whatever it is they happen to be doing that caught your fancy. Interested in a pick-up? write something with innuendo. Think someone is parenting well? mention the kids' behavior. Love that pair of shoes? ask where the wearer got them.

Now, to gather the courage to pop one of these babies out of my purse and hand it to that attractive man at my yoga place...

"Be well. Do good work. Keep in touch." - Garrison Keillor

styling; or how the internet confuses me into a larger closet

the other day, I tweeted & Facebook-ed a simple thought: "sometimes I think about what I want to wear tomorrow and forget that the things I've pinned on Pinterest aren't in my real closet."

Quite a few of my friends responded positively...we've all been there. You look and look through Pinterest at all the pretty clothes and pin outfits and styles, thinking "I like this and I don't like that, oh that would be pretty with that skirt over there, and shoes!" It is a great time killer, while you still feel as though you might still be creative. It gets worse when you add Polyvore to the mix. 

I'm still on the fence with Polyvore. I like Pinterest the way I like tearing photographs out of magazines, as an inspiration for styling myself and my home. I like seeing how the women on the street look, how the stylists make them look, how one adorable skirt looks great in one photo and not so great in another, depending on the cut, the rest of the outfit, and the woman. 

A piece I love by itself I might hate on a woman who is built like me and love on a woman like Christina Hendricks, or maybe Mila Kunis or Karlie Kloss. With Pinterest, a lot of the time it's about the feeling in the photo...so long as we're thinking Pinterest for clothes. It also does a lot of the best and worst looking recipes to be found online, has home decor stuff, and is possibly the widest range of workout motivation/fat shaming quote boxes I've ever seen. 

But regarding clothes, I can be a lot more difficult to see how that blouse you have that looks like that one picture would go with that pair of jeans from another, until you get to Polyvore. It's where every person in front of her computer gets to become the stylist. I've been there a while and admittedly still don't understand the following other people function, because most of those styling boards are on Pinterest anyway. That doesn't stop me from styling away though.

Polyvore seems to bridge the gap between Pinterest's aspirational clothes and what is actually hanging in your closet. You won't find exactly what you already own, unless you're covered by designers who show at the Paris haute couture shows, but you will find lots and lots of things that look remarkably like what is hanging in your closet. It might be an easier way to decide what accessories to pick up to go with a dress you already own. I've played around a bit:

Like I said, I'm still on the fence, and I still tend to spend more time on Pinterest than Polyvore. Still, it is nice to have a site where you are the active participant in creativity instead of the passive consumer of it. 

"Be well. Do good work. Keep in touch." - Garrison Keillor

slumber party goodness; or how to throw a holiday party

the ladies came, we watched, we ate, we drank, we brunched, and everyone returned home rested and ready to start the holiday season. Yes, the grown up slumber party was a success. The best part: we piled everything on my coffee table and sat around without worrying about watching movies from the kitchen table.

At my parties, and I think most parties, there is some activity that draws everyone together. If there isn't, then everyone congregates in the kitchen. It does help that my little house is one open room, with furniture suggesting the purpose for each area. I've an entry filled with bookcases and a place for coats & hats, a little area blocked off by my desk and more bookshelves that suggests an office or study, a bar complete with bar stools and all my glasses, my kitchen/dining table, the actual kitchen, and my seating wrapped around the television but able to interact with anyone anywhere else in the place. Only my bedroom is properly in another room with a door. When it's just me, it is so much easier to leave everything open and as spacious as possible.

If you were having a proper cocktail party, with people mingling around the house or a buffet table, you could just as easily spread food and drink out with prettier results. I wanted a place where no one had to get up and miss a second of our favorite holiday movies.

 We had nugget versions of my Southern-style Skillet Fried Chicken, a plate full of grape tomatoes, baby carrots, and Bell peppers & hummus {who doesn't want something of a rounded plate at a holiday party?}, toasted slices of Crusty Bread, with what should have been Garlic & Lemon Ricotta spread {instead, I ran to Aldi's and picked up flavored goat cheeses: garlic & herb and cranberry & cinnamon}, and some black lentil curry for chicken and bread dipping. Later when things got a bit sweeter, we moved on to pusties {an Italian-American dessert of  chocolate cinnamon custard baked in a crust} from a family recipe of a dear friend and some chocolate booted Gingerbread men. We might even had eaten Eggnog Sugar Cookies, but my family had already gobbled them all up.

We drank sparkling pinot grigio and Dirty Shirleys, eggnog with and without Bailey's and ogled Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, and Jude Law. We came to the general consensus that Jack Black is not hot enough for Kate Winslet, and Mark Darcy, reindeer jumper or no, impossibly long sideburns and all, knows just what to say to melt a woman's heart {"I like you. Just as you are."}

May your holidays be filled with as much brightness and cheer as settled in my home Saturday night.

"Be well. Do good work. Keep in touch." - Garrison Keillor

party time! let the holiday season begin

it really does begin with Thanksgiving: that mad rush of forced family visits and catching up with friends, adding an extra dash of glitter to hide the snowboots, twinkly lights, romantic dreams, and a pushing mass of humanity, all searching for something the holidays can't give, if it's not already there.

that paragraph makes it sound like I'm a total Grinch, I know. That is only because I haven't yet explained how I've fallen asleep on the couch every night since I put up my twinkly decorations, with all the other lights off and a puppy snuggled into my side.

The first snow fell the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, the morning nearly my entire family trudged across the road and through the field to have breakfast at the restaurant next door. I put up the decorations that afternoon, my mom and her sister bickering over how to deal with their mother, that grandmother telling me I'd missed a spot on the tree, and my favorite {only} girl cousin studiously readying herself for finals, more than 2/3s of the way through her BSN in Nursing.

I love Christmas, the early snowfalls, the baking, the extra family time, and the joy of finding just the thing to make everyone happy when they open it on that special morning. This year is going to be particularly busy: not quite a week before Christmas, my best friend and I head on a journey to Indianapolis, St. Louis, rural Illinois, and back to throw a baby shower, visit her family for the holiday, and make it back to mine on Christmas Eve. It is going to be hectic, stress-inducing, and fabulous.

But for now, I'm kicking of the season right: a slumber party. Yes, a number of nearly thirty year old women are spending the night at my house. We'll be ogling the best of British actors with a triple feature of Bridget Jones' Diary, Love Actually, and The Holiday...all whilst stuffing ourselves with bread and cheese and curry, veggies, gingerbread cookies, and wine. I'm putting a huge pile of toasted bread on my coffee table, with all the dippings and chese scattered around it and calling for a free-for all. Movie nights call for informality and frivolity. and popcorn later.

To keep things in a festive mood, there is bubbly Pinot Grigio in my fridge chilling right now. Plus, to keep us up for 369 minutes of movies, I'll be mixing up some creamy Holiday cheer {equal parts Bailey's and hot espresso, shaken over ice until frothy and cold, poured in a martini glass}. It's all a recipe for a fun and delicious slumber party, right down to the cozy party favors. We're all thinking lounge clothes and are happy for at least one holiday party that doesn't require something with a control top or high heels.

I've already worked out my ideal version of Saturday's outfit on my newest time waster: Polyvore. Even though I can't find a reindeer jumper, I did manage to pick up some fleece leggings. score.

holiday slumber party by vmrvictoria

I'm not kidding. This is cozy time & friend time, and a time to stop all the crazy and just enjoy the season for what it is: a time of love and gathering. What do you do to escape the crazy and share the love this time of year?

"Be well. Do good work. Keep in touch." - Garrison Keillor

{mood} intrigued

and so begins another personal lifestyle blog. Let's not get into particulars, but instead get right down to business. Real posting begins tomorrow. For now, there is applesauce on the stove and an adorable puppy demanding supper.

dirty stove, clean pot

 See you bright and early for breakfast tomorrow!

PS I got the apples from my backyard. Cool, no? Check out last night's adventures.